Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The lengths God won't go to.

My brother (Patrick, 20), sister (Ivy, 16) and I have often boasted about how cool our family is and how glad we are that they are ours.

Ivy has encountered many 16 year olds, as many of us have, that are awfully selfish and don't deal well with the real stuff that life throws at us once in a while. Often when I am visiting home, she will share with me a tale of "immature" teens who are struggling with romantic relationships, trouble with their parents, bad grades, sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. She always is so amazed by how “stupid” most of her peers are. She has also encountered teens (and I think this observation goes well across generational lines) who don’t deal with death and dying very well. She’s REALLY surprised by this one. Hmm, she amazes me.

It wasn’t until these last few weeks that we’ve realized something. Somehow, God has chosen to prepare us for the pain and chaos that is helping a parent die. My mom began her nursing career when I was 3 and completed her PhD on March 18, 2007. It’s been quite a road for her (and for us) and we are so proud of our mommy. When I was in elementary school, she began to build her expertise in end of life care and is now among the top experts in the country, if not in the world.

In our house, sex, drugs and rock-n-roll were part of the everyday conversation. We didn’t shy away from uncomfortable things and I believe we are better for it. As mom’s experience with terminal illnesses, bereavement, pain management, palliative care and other things grew, she began appropriately sharing things with her children. I vividly remember standing in our kitchen and having her share wonderful and amazing stories of God’s grace, the amazing human body, the will of souls and non-verbal communication between soul-mates from her many hours spent with families and patients who were transitioning from this world to the next. It was in those years I began to see death as an amazing force rather than the scary end. The end of someone’s life can be filled with peace and love if pain and symptoms are managed properly and if primary care givers are empowered to love their loved ones until the very last breath.

For me, this is the reason our family is the coolest on earth. This weekend while I was home with my mom, step-dad and two siblings, there was no panic and very little anxiety (Atavan is a wonder for patients and care-givers alikeJ). We spent as much time as we could talking with Josh, holding hands, kissing, hugging, laying next to, breathing, joking and every good thing. If you only have 2 weeks to spend with the one whom your soul loves, this is the way to do it and my mom is an example like no other.

There is no doubt there will be many tears in the months ahead and we certainly aren’t with out questions, anger and frustration. But if I could find a way to give the gift of peace and love during the death of a loved one, I would give it to everyone…since everyone goes through it at some point.

I don’t know why God chose our family for this gift, or if he gave us other gifts to make it so we could receive this gift from our mother. I know that I am grateful for whatever it is. I know I hope He will give you all similar gifts in your life; I believe that He will.

1 comment:

  1. Your family is super cool. I'm glad you're getting this time with Josh while you can. It's so much better than suddenly losing someone you love and not having these last moments to share. Treasure these and all moments with the ones you love.
    Prayers, peace and blessings...

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